July 13, 2011

The post pregnancy body...

It is no surprise to anyone out there that when you get pregnant you gain weight. In fact, gaining weight is a requirement of most doctors. During pregnancy weight tends to become a topic of many conversations. You get your weight taken at every doctor appointment, people often ask you how much weight you have gained and your clothes are constantly getting smaller. During pregnancy, I was very comfortable with my weight because the doctor said I was healthy. After having my baby I was still comfortable with my larger size because, after all, I did just have a baby. I was prepared that losing the baby pounds was going to take time and not happen overnight. I was gradually losing weight and could finally fit into some of my pre-pregnancy pants when something I wasn’t prepared for happened – swimsuit season!

The weather warmed up, I bought my little girl a cute bathing suit, a cute swimsuit cover, special swimming diapers, a life jacket, infant raft and baby sunscreen. I was ready to take her for her first swim; all I had to do was wait for the warm weather to arrive. Then finally the day came, it was a beautiful sunny day and we were getting ready to go to the pool. The baby was dressed and I enter the closet to dig out the old bikini, it fits but it doesn’t look the same. In an instant I went from being satisfied with my appearance to feeling 5000 pounds. At that moment, I told myself it was all in my head and we went to the pool. Then that evening and the days to follow those feelings of insecurity began to ooze their way back into my head. Suddenly I decided that I will not be able to go back to the pool until I purchase a one piece swimsuit and long swimming trunks to wear in the water. I decided that the only part of my body that could be seen were my arms, lower legs, and head. Oh how quickly one can spiral down and down.

I attempt to once again tell myself that it is all in my head, I remind myself of all the clothes in my closet that are now too big for me, but that also reminds me of all that clothes in my closet that are too small for me. I decide that I am going to start working out more, but then I worry about where I will find the time when I barely have time to take a shower. Then there are those stinking celebrities mom’s that do runway shows in their bra and underwear three months after having their baby (thanks a lot Heidi Klum and all you others out there).

Before things get further out of hand I take a deep breath and relax my shoulders. I remember that I am not alone in my craziness – right? This is when I look for support from my network of moms. I have had friends give me various levels of advice. Some of my fellow mom’s are committed to losing the weight ASAP and are disciplined enough to get those work outs in. They share their great workout videos and meal plans. Others tell me that they make no changes and let the chips fall where they may. I have fallen somewhere in the middle. We spend our weekends being active as a family and have significantly increased eating meals at home. 

Where do you fall in your approach to the “baby pounds’? Have you driven yourself crazy over it? 
 

April 12, 2011

Work and Motherhood

"How do I balance motherhood with my full-time job?" This is something that I struggle with pretty much everyday since my daughter arrived. My first experience with this question started on a different road than most mothers. I am fortunate enough to work for a company that allowed me to bring my daughter to work with me until she was 6 months old. This opportunity was great on several levels, 1) I  could delay dealing with the separation anxiety that occurs with taking your child to daycare for the first time, 2) I saved much dinero by not having to pay for daycare for 6 months, 3) breastfeeding was easy to stick to - just to name a few.

So, my first struggle with work and motherhood revolved around focusing on work when all I want to do is hold and play with my baby. I often wondered how having my child at work affected my productivity. On one hand, time was taken away from work for feedings, changing diapers and getting her to sleep. On the other hand, I skipped breaks, ate lunch at my desk and cut the socializing with co-workers way down. I also worked double time to get things done when she was sleeping. All in all I think things evened out pretty well, but there was always one thought that kept popping up - "I wish I could just play with and hold her all day."

Then the 6 month mark came along and I had to part ways with my child during the day and leave her in the capable hands of her wonderful daycare provider. While I was very comfortable with the person I would be leaving her with, I was not at all comfortable with the idea of her spending most of her waking hours with someone that was not me. Now I had a different distraction plaguing my mind, "what is my baby doing right now?" My work day could not get over fast enough and I could not find a quick enough route to drive to get to my baby.

The next problem with work and motherhood involves finding the time to get everything done in a day that needs to be done. If you are a working mother with a schedule like mine you have to tackle getting up for work, getting themselves ready, the baby ready, making sure everything is packed for the day at day care, getting the baby to day care and making it to work on time. Then after a full day of work you need to pick the baby up from daycare, get home, tend to the baby, cook dinner, get the baby to bed and then get ready for the next day. This routine doesn't include finding time to do laundry, clean house or relax and it can take its toll on a person. On my lucky days daddy will get home from work in time to put baby to bed.

My baby's daddy works long hours, which leaves little time in his day to be home with baby. The flip side to my day is dad's schedule. We are usually out the door before he wakes up in the morning and are usually in bed before he gets home. This means that dad rarely gets to see baby awake during the week. When I think about his schedule and my schedule I can honestly say that I think he gets the short end of the stick.

Since our weeks speed by with non stop work, we work hard to keep our weekends for family time only. This means we try as hard as possible to leave work at work on the weekends and spend the time together as a family.

What are some ways that other mom's out there manage work and family?

April 2, 2011

Firsts

During my pregnancy I had high hopes that I was going to chronicle everything in my baby's life. We bought a nice baby book and scrap book to record everything. My daughter is now 8 months, our baby book sits on the shelf partially completed and the scrapbook is still in the wrapper. With all the things that a mother must attend to, keeping up with these things often get pushed to the side until a new first or milestone happens and then you are reminded that you need to update your book.


I had such a reminder this week. In a previous blog a wrote about tracking developmental milestones and my daughter mastering standing. This weekend we experienced a new "first" in her life - we went to the beach. This was the first time she crawled in the sand and put her feet in the ocean. She loved every bit of it and we took a hundred pictures of her covered in sand and trying to eat sand.

One of the upsides to living in the digital age is that there are many ways to keep record of important events in our child's life. While my scrapbook may be incomplete, I do have the use of saving pictures on my computer, sharing them with friends and family on FacebookShutterfly, Flickr, and if I want I can make digital photo books to record all these memories. These options are more my speed, rather than the hands on projects that require more creativity than I have. 

This new mother would like to hear how other mothers out there keep track of their baby's firsts and milestones.


**This blog was originally drafted one month prior to posting. 

February 23, 2011

When the baby gets sick

my sick baby
Your baby's first illness is one that will get your worry juices flowing in overdrive. Vivian experienced her first illness, at 2 months, after a trip to see her baby cousins out of state. Maybe she caught it from a cousin, maybe it was from someone on the plane; who knows. What I do know is that we experienced a few sleepless and worry filled nights. Vivian's first cold included running nose, cough, watery eyes, and a lot of crying.

When faced with a new parenting experience I did like a lot of new mothers do and grabbed all the baby books I bought when I was pregnant. I also dedicated my Facebook status to asking my experienced mother friends for advice. I received the following basic tidbits. use a humidifier, prop her up at an angle when she is sleeping, put baby Vick's on the soles of her feet (since she was too young for Vick's at the time) then put socks on her, keep nursing, take her to the doctor if she develops a fever over X degrees, and wait it out.

Although I was stressed at having to see my baby girl suffer and be miserable, I also felt confident that I was doing all the right things. Then at night she would wake up crying with her nose all stuffy and my husband would insist that we should take her to the hospital. I assured him that we were doing everything she needed and since she had no fever we just had to wait it out. Of course, everything I had to say, was not heard until his mother told him the exact same thing. I really love how what I said was not right until his mother confirmed it, but that is off the topic.

Since this first cold we have started daycare and have experienced more colds and fevers. Every time she gets sick I consult my Facebook mothers, family, friends and books. Every time I get the usual advice and we try our best to be patient. My biggest frustrations with illness is my inability to make it all go away and how the doctor responds to my questions. We are fortunate enough to have our insurance through an agency that allows us to email our doctors; which has kept us from running to the hospital every time our baby sneezes.   

We have a nice doctor and our baby likes him, but he often provides me with canned responses. These responses always start with "this is something that is going around." He then tells us to do all the things that I have already been doing. Then he ends with you just need to wait these things out, call me if x, y or z develops. I am sure that pediatricians have their fair share of experience dealing with first time mothers and their worries and I understand that they are busy, but I really wish that he would make me feel a little special. I am not sure what our doctor could say that would make this worried mother feel better, but I do know that what I have been getting is not very comforting.

As I end this entry, I realize that I have not shared much knowledge and have more or less just vented about how a mother worries when her baby gets sick. All these worries are fresh at the moment as our whole household is currently suffering from a bug that is "going around right now." Maybe one day we will get through an illness without so much worry, but until then I invite all the mothers and fathers that read this to share with me what you do to help yourselves and your sick babies get through a cold or a fever.

 

February 20, 2011

Sibling Rivalry

Clementine
My precious Vivian Pearl is my first born, but she is not my first child. The title of oldest child in our household belongs to a precious domestic tortoiseshell cat named Clementine. Clementine has been a part of my family since college and was the best couch companion during my pregnancy. She is the most loving cat and believes that people need snuggles more than they need air.

As we prepared for the baby Clementine was very curious about all the changes that were going on in her apartment, but was excited to see a bunch of new boxes show up for her to play in. I often wondered how Clementine would react to having a little brother or sister (we waited to find out the sex of our baby) around. I debated on whether she would try to snuggle up to the baby all the time or if she would avoid the crying, pooping baby.

enjoying time on the couch
The day we brought our daughter Vivian home, Clementine did not even notice the car seat or the baby. Instead she ran to me and gave me a stern lecture about how upset she was that we had left her alone for two days. Then Vivian woke up and made a quiet whimper. Clementine suddenly forgot about everything else and was determined to sniff every inch of the new baby. Clementine heard the word 'no' more in the first 10 minutes of the baby being home than she had her entire life. Despite having limits instilled on her that had never been there before, Clementine has shown nothing but love to her little sister and is always trying snuggle right up to her sister. This went on for about 6 months and then I started noticing subtle changes.

Clementine still continues to make sure she is laying next to her sister, but now she also makes sure to squeeze in between her sister and her mother. The second I sit Vivian down, Clementine is jumping on my lap. At night, Clementine settles on my neck snuggling and kissing me. Our little Vivian is now at the age where she is very aware of her kitty sister Clementine, which has lead to hair and tail pulling. Vivian has also started using Clementine to hoist herself up to her knees. Clementine ofter voices is dissatisfaction at being tugged on by her sister, but still refuses to budge from her position next to her sister. Vivian has also taken quite an interest in Clementine's toys, which has resulted in Clementine pushing them together into a pile and laying on them.

Vivian tugging on Clementine
I have now started to suspect that Clementine insists on being next to her sister because that is where the focus of our attention has been since we brought our little princess home. I am afraid that my Clementine is hungry for some special attention from her parents and is trying to let us know this in her own quiet way. So like a new mom I hit the books and the internet to see what I can do to help alleviate this minor case of sibling rivalry.

Trusty Dr. Spock had many great insights and helpful solutions to my situation.
1. "Everybody in the family gets what they need - and sometimes we all need different things."
2. Avoid comparisons and typecasting
3. Do not be quick to take sides, deciding who is wrong or who is right it encourages the children to fight again soon.
4. If one child acts out and attacks the other, do not react with shock or shame - this will make the jealous child more jealous and afraid that you don't love them anymore.
5. If you force your child to share her toys, chances are her resentment will grow.

While Dr. Spock has many more helpful things to say these 5 tips have helped me identify errors I have been making. When Vivian is tugging and pulling on Clementine, it is Clementine that I yell at to move out of the way. When Clementine is upset that Vivian is playing with her toys, I tell Clementine that she needs to share. The one time that Clementine did act out and swat at her sister, it was Clementine that was scolded. I have even found myself telling Clementine that she needed to be nice like her sister. Lastly, I need to make sure that Clementine is getting what she needs. Sadly, there have been crazy mornings when I have forgotten to feed Clementine or have delayed giving her fresh water because I was busy with the baby.

I hope that I can take Dr. Spock's advise and turn it into helpful tools for developing a positive relationship between my two babies and to prepare for the day with we bring a third baby into the mix.

February 13, 2011

Milestones

My daughter is now 7 months old! We have experienced many milestones and I know there are many more to come. I remember her first sneeze, her first smile, the first time she laughed, and the first time she sat up by herself. Today we experienced a new milestone - she stood up! We had just finished dinner when she reached up, grabbed the arm of the couch and pulled herself up.

As a new mother I often find myself visiting the internet to make sure my daughter is developing on schedule and at times I am convinced my baby is a genius and learns everything faster than any other baby out there. There is a lot of information on the internet and sometimes it can make my head spin. This is why I decided to trust a few sources for all my baby development information.

My Iphone is helpful to this mommy in a million different ways. Today I am going to to focus on the one app that I have decided to rely on for all my baby development news, Pregnancy and Development. I first downloaded this app because it was free and have found it helpful ever since. It offers weekly development posts related to pregnancy and then when your baby is born you simply enter his/her birthday and the app tells you what kind of development to expect and when. There is also an journal option, that allows you to add comments, pictures and videos of your child. It is a great place to help record all your child's milestones. This is a great option for mothers like me that have never scrapbooked, take most pictures and videos with their phone, and get behind on the that baby book that you had such high hopes of completing when you were pregnant.


The second item I use is a text message service that I subscribed to when I was pregnant. It is called text4baby. Text4baby is a free service that sends weekly text messages about your pregnancy and your baby's first year of development. This is a program that was designed to promote maternal and child health and who doesn't want that.

In short, my baby is a genius because she is standing!

Until next time.

Welcome to "Hello Motherhood"

It is 1:00 am in the morning and I have finally decided to commit to writing my first blog ever. As a new mother one can sometimes find themselves desperately seeking advice from experienced mothers and also sometimes craving adult conversation. After using my Facebook page to bother my fellow mothers for advice, I have now decided to put what I have learned into this blog - and as another venue to ask more questions.

Now a little about myself...

Vivian Pearl, 3 weeks
My world was changed on June 24, 2010 at 2:31am, when my fiance and I welcomed our daughter into the world - Vivian Pearl. I always knew I wanted to be a mother, but the thought of being completely responsible for a human life is still very nerve racking and I find myself worrying about many many things. My daughter is now 7 months old and I still have nightmares about dropping her on her heard or leaving her in the car (thank you Parenthood Magazine for sharing real stories of these things happening and thus scaring me to tears).

Along with tackling the trials of motherhood I make the long commute (1.5 hours each way) to work a full time job five days a week. This means that everyday I go to work I have to say good bye to my sweet baby and it does not get any easier the more I do it. This is tough and I secretly wish (well not that secret anymore) that someday I can make a comfortable living staying home with my baby and her future siblings.

Thank you for reading and please stay tuned...